I Thought I Was Done Reincarnating
Last year I learned that I was on my forth and last reincarnation here on this specific Gaia; and that once this body returns to the earth, whatever constitutes the essence of my being, will return to its higher self once what I came for was completed.
Having completed my mission and purpose, I figured enjoying life with true love and family is the best and most natural way to spend the rest of one's life.
I admit that I expected life to feel more: more of what exactly I can't say,maybe more contentment and less sadness.
I have all the reason in the world to be at peace, happy, and carefree.
I say that because I'm detached from most of the systems otherwise imposed on our free souls limiting pretty much everything about our being.
I haven't needed to work for a few years, we have traveled and lived in countries I had no thoughts a visiting, and I've been able enjoy family life as much as anyone could hope to.
Not to mention all the time in the world, that's the way it felt, to meditate and reach the point or stage of spiritual growth where I experience the self and reality from perspectives I haven't thought possible.
But the blissfulness I was subconsciously hoping to reach never really arrived. I would tap into and experience moments closed to it, but like all else, it too is fleeting.
On the other hand, there is so much misery, hurt, suffering, and grief happening all around that it's impossible to achieve the mythical permanent happiness spoken about in buddhist scriptures.
Being a medium atop being a connected human being means there is little separation, of any at all, to the collective welfare of the planet as a whole.
The saying " you cannot be happy alone on an island in an ocean of misery" is one hundred percent true.
So knowing my "job" here was done and that I won't be reincarnating again, gave me a sense off joy and relief.
At the same time I have a kind of a savior complex which hurts by the thought of me leaving when I feel there is more I could do for Gaia.
For in the end, it's all for Gaia; the mother that keeps this reality running, nourishing is all while she herself is staving and wanting to give up but can't.
Yes, the spirit of the planet has it that bad; and worse.
Have the deep sadness I carry for Gaia's plight run over somehow, somewhere?
I ask this question because today a big change happened.
I'm the way I see and feel, I was "informed" that I'm coming back for a fifth reincarnation with a new mission regarding Gaia.
This happen as I sat on the beach of "Sandbackarna" somewhere in Upsala Sweden having a deja Vu moment.
After some prying I got the message, more like an order, that I'm coming back to this version and time-space of Gaia.
Upon further inquiry, I learned that my true love is not coming with me next time and that I will reincarnate in Europe this time, like I have once before.
As you can imagine, I felt confused and kind of regretful with the realization, but I haven't accepted the mission, not consciously from this plane anyway (I'm calling it mission but I'm not sure what it is yet)
So I'm thinking of making some demands before I consciously do.
If I do that is.
Dane